Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. Psalm 51:10-12
In February of 2022, I wrote one of these devotionals titled “My 2022 Prayer.” God had placed it on my heart to reveal my struggle. The prayer was specifically about Psalm 51:10-12, with a real focus on verse 12, “Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.” I desperately wanted the Lord to restore to me the joy of His salvation because I’d felt a little distance between us. I never doubted He was with me. I never doubted His great love for me. I’ve always known He is gracious and merciful and that my salvation was secure. I just felt like I was in the wilderness. I continued to pray and read His word consistently... most of the time. To be honest, sometimes I had to make myself read Scripture, or I hurried through to say that I had spent time in His Word. While I was doing what I knew I needed to, I had lost my joy. I felt stuck. In early 2022, the Lord placed Psalm 51:10-12, and especially verse 12 on my heart. I believed that the Lord would grant me a willing spirit, because I had to want to spend time with Him and in His word. If I was doing it out of duty, rather than a willing heart, it could not be sustained. I could not be sustained.
I needed a willing spirit. I needed to hunger and thirst after the Lord. I needed to want these things - to want to spend time on my knees and in His word. This was my 2022 prayer. I prayed Psalm 51:10-12 consistently all year long. Truthfully, as 2023 approached, then arrived, I felt disappointed. God hadn’t yet answered my prayer. I just kept trusting He would.
I felt stuck, and I knew I had to get my (limited) biblical knowledge from my head into my heart. I decided to work with a therapist as this new year began, and the focus has been on changing my mindset. I needed to get it from my head to my heart. Romans 12:2 says “Do not conform to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is - His good, pleasing, and perfect will.” We’ve all heard we need to stop any ‘stinking thinking,’ and I’m learning how to do that. By applying Romans 12:2, working consistently on renewing my mind, and through prayer and fasting during this lenten season, it suddenly dawned on me that God is answering my 2022 prayer! I feel a deeper connection with Him, and I am excited to spend time with Him and begin memorizing Scripture again.
I feel God’s joy! I feel peace. Peace that surpasses all understanding and can only come from Christ Jesus. This is a huge praise, and I am eternally grateful to our Lord and Savior. I know the enemy will fight hard and that life ebbs and flows. I know I must continue to pray Psalm 51 always. I know even more that nothing can ever separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.