Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.” 1 Peter 3:8
Here’s a phrase that often gets overused: “I know exactly how you feel.” We’ve all said it, or at least heard it. It comes from a genuine desire to empathize. In reality, we may have an idea of what someone is feeling, but our situations are never identical. Different experiences, circumstances, and timing shape how each of us navigates life’s challenges. Even when we relate on some level, it’s never a perfect comparison.
Still, Scripture clearly calls us to show compassion. Paul urges the church in Rome to “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15). We are commanded to care, and that means making time to be present with others.
Our ultimate example of empathy is Jesus. He took on flesh and experienced life as we do—feeling the full range of human emotions, sensing the world around Him. He can relate to us and thank God for that. This makes Him the greatest example of care and empathy.
Empathy invites us to connect deeply with one another, sharing in both joy and sorrow. It fosters real community. Jesus identifies with us in our humanity, and that’s why His presence is so meaningful. We are called to reflect that same care for others.
That’s why I try not to say, “I know how you feel.” Because the truth is, I don’t. I may have been through something similar, I may have walked with others through pain, but every person’s experience is unique. Pain, grief, and emotions can vary from disengagement to anger. Claiming to fully understand is often untrue and unhelpful.
Job’s friends, in their attempts to sympathize, only made things worse. Initially, they did the best thing they could—just being there. Job 2:13 tells us, “Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.” Sometimes, silence and presence speak louder than words.
Moving forward, I want to listen well before I speak. My goal is to offer the ministry of presence, like the Holy Spirit does.
