“...I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you” (Jn.15:14).
“Sometimes we like to go where everybody knows [our] name,” says one popular ditty. But more often we’re most content to seek out a friend who knows us on a deeper level. This is our safe place—until it’s not. Tyler Perry, in a 2022 TikTok post makes an interesting observation in discussing different kinds of friendships. Paraphrasing him, he says he likes to think of all of his friends as trees. Some friends are leaves; they are good for a season, but when seasons change, so do they, falling away because they were not meant to be there always. Others are branches; they are alright to a certain extent, but when things become heavy and you need to go out on a limb with them, so to speak, the weight becomes too great and they break away beneath you. But then, there are friends who are roots. These friends are not concerned about being seen. They are just always there to nurture and provide what you need when you need it. They form a support system of 5 or 6 bound together, if fortunate, and we can count on their undergirding us in all kinds of weather.
It was while reading the story of Ruth that I started reflecting on friendships in the Bible. Ruth’s choice to remain with Naomi facing an unknown future is born out of love. Her name means “friendship,” or “compassionate friend,” and she lives up to it, showing generosity, kindness, loyalty, and selflessness. While Naomi’s name means “pleasant” and “gentle,” she goes through a time of bitterness, even identifying herself as “Mara” because of her sad state as she is bereft of her husband and two sons. Yet Ruth goes with her on the return to Bethlehem, somehow trusting Naomi’s vulnerability, honesty and faith to lead them both to a better life. As Ruth gives of herself, she receives the attention of Boaz and both she and Naomi benefit from his generosity, kindness, protection, justice and mercy. Another O.T. example of friendship rooted in love is that shared between David and Jonathan. I Sam. 18:1 sums up the bond: “...Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself.”
Critics in the N.T. called Jesus “a friend of tax collectors and ‘sinners’ (Matt.11:19). The ultimate proof of this is Matt.26:49-50, where this exchange takes place between Jesus and Judas: “Going at once to Jesus, Judas says, ‘Greetings, Rabbi!’ and kissed Him. Jesus replied, Friend, do what you came for.” I wonder if Jesus, without malice, used the term friend to make Judas rethink the choice he had made with new “friends” who paid 30 pieces of silver in response to Judas’s question, “What are you willing to give me if I hand him over to you?” (Matt.26:15). Friendships can often be one-sided as circumstances shift. Fear prodded Peter to deny he even knew Jesus. When the stakes were high, all the disciples deserted Jesus out of fear that they would suffer the same fate as He. But John at some point made his way through the crowd and stood at the foot of the cross to receive the responsibility of caring for Jesus ‘mother. It was when Jesus “saw His mother and the disciple whom He loved standing beside her, He said to His mother, ‘Woman, here is your son. Then He said to the disciple, ‘Here is your mother’” (John 19:25-27).
How often has fear or self-interest kept me from standing by a friend in need? What kind of friend am I to others, and particularly what kind of friend am I to Christ? Has my time with Him resulted in an intimacy that assures Him I can be entrusted with any assignment He gives me because He knows my love for Him exceeds my fear of the unknown? Jesus promises His disciples, including me, that what He learned from His father He makes known to me as His friend. No secrets in an intimate friendship, yet Deut.29:29 says, “The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law.” So, what I hear in Jesus’ words to his friends is that true friendship will be defined by our obedience—not looking for what He can do for us, but what we can do for Him (John 15:14-16). Ironically, in losing ourselves in a devoted friendship, we find our true selves and are better for it.
Time for a friendship check-up! Who are we “rooting” for?